nipperknits

Why Can't I Focus On The Good?

I swear, every time I get into a place where I'm feeling yucky and depressed it's because I'm focusing on the wrong things. I'm not focusing on the fact that, while my job is busy and stressful right now, I love it. I'm not focusing on the fact that I have a great new apartment with a roommate who is *awesome*. I'm not focusing on the fact that I *should* be the happiest I've ever been.

No. I'm missing someone/something that never really existed. Something that existed only in our minds and someone that existed only in mine. I know this is a passing phase and it's only here because I'm unhappy in other aspects of my life, but is coming out this way... But it still hurts and I'm sick of it.

I think it's time for me to admit that it's fucked me up for other things. I think it's time for me to admit that I've passed up good options because I was looking to replace something that never existed. I think it's time for me to start thinking about myself and my actions critically without seeking out other people for validation. For real. To not drag anyone else into my shit. Because I have and that makes me feel even worse.

Sorry about this crap emotional post. It's vague, but then, hell, so am I lately. I don't feel good physically and I feel like crap emotionally. But every time I get into a funk, I write about it on here, I get it off my chest and I get off my ass and do something about it. Let's see if it works again this time. But, I swear, it's like I have a 6 month funk cycle and not in a good way.

Focusing on the good. Knitting. Going to see Snakes on a Plane and screaming at the screen. Being a girl who can figure her own shit out. Getting it together. Strong... and stuff.

And, obviously, really fucking cliched.